April Blog: Girls Will Be Girls?

HAVE you seen ‘Adolescence’? The Netflix production shows how online material convinced a 13-year-old boy that he should murder a young girl. For quite some time, many of us have advocated more relationship education in schools and colleges. The Netflix production is helping to energise discussion and action. Lessons on healthy relationships will be introduced before the end of this academic year, we’re told, with guidance on the real-life complexities and feelings inherent in all relationships. Alleluyah!

Handling emotions can be challenging even for adults. We know that some primary school children are accessing porn; the unrealistic expectations created can baffle and anger young minds. They watch social media influencers, too. Gareth Southgate has described those who encourage men and boys towards misogyny as ‘callous, manipulative and toxic’, adding that they demonstrate a mindset that prioritises dominance while seeing themselves as victims. 

The term ‘toxic masculinity’ is often used in this context, describing behaviour which can include violence, sexual assault. Obviously it doesn’t mean all men are toxic, yet can be seen that way, triggering a defensive reaction, understandably perhaps.

‘Boys will be boys’ adults say indulgently, usually in an attempt to explain unacceptable behaviour. Have you ever heard ‘Girls will be girls’ used similarly? Neither have I. We know, though, that girls are exposed to social media influences and affected by the behaviour of their peers. What’s going on? Interestingly, the Centre for Social Justice states that the last 100 years show ‘great leaps forward in outcomes and rights for women’ but boys are being left behind. Girls outperform boys academically, in general (‘Lost Boys’ report). That outperforming sometimes leads to girls feeling under pressure and unsafe in school. 

In other words, we need to pay attention to what’s happening to our young people, to provide them with the support and guidance they need. ‘Adolescence’ flags the dangers of social media but it also highlights the crucial importance of upbringing, role models, involved/engaged parents. We’re not raising stereotypes: ideally, we’re guiding the next generation of confident, informed, positive, happy individuals. 

Benedict Cumberbatch says men need to shut up and listen. We all do …. and we need  to take our young people’s life chances seriously. We need to wise up.